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A
Dark side of Life: An intellectually disabled child
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A
woman's world can fall apart with the birth of an intellectually disabled
child. Two mothers who have gone through grief and torment share their
anguish with Pooja . As the day passes by and night lingers, more and more
trouble seems to be in store. More misery and hardship are to be faced.
They seem confused and devastated just thinking of the future in store
for them. They are two grieving mothers. But also twin avengers determined
to give a direction to many with their misconceptions.
Neeta,
a single parent with a 19 year old son is training coordinator at the Association
for the Welfare for Mentally Retarded (AWMR), while Parvati with a 13 year
old daughter is Member of Sungava- Mahila Vyavasahik Talim Kendra which
works for the Mentally Retarded. Both of them have come this far with a
definite aspiration. The aspiration to do something for the intellectually
disabled as they themselves face the plight in their day to day life.
Neeta
with tears in her eyes, unravels her story from the day her son was born.
Karul is his name but people around him often mispronounce it into something
else. "I have often seen people giggling and whispering the word pagal.
I feel very bad," complains Neeta. "Why aren't they treated equally like
normal children? They too pay an equal amount for taxi fair, food or clothing."
Parvati
has the same kind of story to tell but with a little difference. Her daughter
Prava (name changed on request) loves to dance but her dancing is viewed
only by a few friends and family. "From the day she was born I have been
blamed. I have been shunned (kept behind closed doors) by my husband's
family but my husband's support has been with me through thick and thin.
That's how I have been able to come this far." As she flips through photographs
of her daughter, she tells me that these have all been taken by her mother's
family. Her in-laws have totally abandoned her and her daughter to themselves.
Neeta
and Parvati are like watchdogs over their offspring. From day one, they
have been up on their feet.They have encountered numerous problems in day
to day life. Problems of not being invited to the family functions and
gatherings, unsupportive relatives and deprivation by close family, expenses
to the hilt whether it be medical bills or for school facilities and many
more. But the most important problem is being isolated from the rest of
society.
The impact is not confined to parents; others too suffer: Siblings
have been badly affected. As siblings of the mentally retarded, Kakul's
sister and Prava's brother stick out in school and outside. According to
Psychologists, the term intellectual disability is primarily a disorder
due to impaired growth of the intellect in a person at a very young age.
Though the common causes are brain damage, genetics or lack of stimulation,
our society often goes along with false ideas of evil spirits or punishment
for past wrongdoings. Relatives and family members often feel embarrassed
and ashamed. A sense of guilt makes the situation worse and they blame
the parents for having a mentallyretarded child. Many also feel social
stigma and hide their problem.
Neeta
and Parvati show an urge to vent their heartfelt grievances towards society
and tell the upcoming generation. Neeta wants her son to be treated as
a perfectly social human being, to be behaved towards normally by people,
while Prava wants mothers like herself to realize the talent of their children
and give them a chance in life. Every child can make it, they strongly
feel.
And
what about the future? Both the mothers see a future that is bleak. Both
of them often ask themselves what is going to happen to their children
after they themselves die. Neeta hopes to keep her son in a hostel and
give out her property to that end while Prava, thinking about the cruel
world, wishes her daughter to die before herself. But many questions remain
unanswered.
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